Got a toothbrush?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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