you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
