Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't turn off my feet"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
