but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
