weddingsv make me drug and hornr
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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