4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
