You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
