Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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