I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
