I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
