you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
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