I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
