i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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