he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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