Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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