I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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