If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
