He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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