My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
