He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
