I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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