some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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