Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
