that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is my gift to your gina
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
