The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
