This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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