I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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