and she was petting her beer can
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
