I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
