Grow some girl-balls and come out already
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
