if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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