I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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