you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
