Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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