...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
