Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
