zippers are such a cool invention
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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