Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
