Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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