: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
