So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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