i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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