who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
People in love make me want to vomit
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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