Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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