is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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