I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
