Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
