hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
