KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
