I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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