Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
