Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
