he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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