don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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